Living with Multiple Sclerosis Part 2 - by Lisa in Las Vegas

Read part 1

At the time of my diagnosis I was recently married and have a stepson.  At first when we met I thought he got a good catch.  I didn't have kids and made very good money for a woman.  At the same time of my diagnosis, my employment notified me that they were selling our buildings.  I've been with them 14 years.  So now I considered myself a real loser. Going to lose my job and have a horrible disease! I told my husband he could divorce me and I would understand.  The guilt was horrible.  I knew he must want out. 

All I could think of was ending up in a wheelchair.  I have always been very active, working out five nights a week.  I would run my dog every night and work out with weights.  I just couldn't imagine a person so healthy getting a disease like MS. After finding out, I went through what I now know was a heavy depression.  Nothing seemed to matter anymore.  I was too scared to work out thinking it would throw me in a flare.  I ended up gaining 20 pounds and becoming a couch potato. 

It's amazing what kind of emotions you go through.  I yelled at my husband for nothing and cried over nothing.  It's been a year and three months now and I'm now feeling better about it.  My husband gives me my shots every week.  We usually have to get cocktailed to get the courage to give and take the shots.  We used to make a huge deal over it.  My husband would light candles and put the shot on a crystal plate with a rose and have a shot of tequila on the side.  Well that did not last long since the tequila would almost knock me out so now I have wine to relax me before the shot. 

I find much support from MS forums and have met a lot of nice people there.  These MS sites are so helpful for MS sufferers. There are so many different symptoms of the disease it can drive you crazy wondering if a symptom is MS or not. You can tell other MS'ers of your symptoms and there is always someone else who has gone through it. It makes you feel much better knowing if it's MS related or not.  It really helped me get through the first year. You can only confide in your spouse a little since they just don't know what you go through.  My husband to this day is still in denial.  He thinks my MS symptoms are just symptoms of getting older.  He did see Richard Pryor on TV the other night and that was a total shock to him since Richard Pryor is doing so bad. I'm one of the fortunate MS people. One of my directors thinks I'm going to start smoking pot since they saw Montel Williams on a show.  I keep telling them I'm not at that stage yet. So far, I have not progressed much. My neuro thinks I will be fine.  That really makes me feel a lot better. 

It's the not knowing what may happen to you and the scariest thing is ending up in a wheelchair.  I'm now walking again trying to get my shape back and lift weights a couple times a week.  Just doing that put life and the love of living back into my life again. 

Over this last year I haven't spoke to my siblings much but my mother worries about me all the time. Most people that I have told act like they did not hear anything.  It's funny how people get so uncomfortable.  I never heard back from one person I told. Oh well. It seems all people get uncomfortable with any kind of disease.  They don't know what to say or do for you.  It is really true that they don't have to say or do anything but just be there and listen.  When I was first diagnosed it was the only thing on my mind.  People would ask if everything was alright and I would sulk and not tell.  They all thought my new marriage wasn't working out.  What drives me crazy is people never look into what they hear.  If I learn that someone I know has a disease I research the disease before I speak to that person or after.  I'm like that on everything though.  I hate it when people get little bits of information and run with that.  With MS it's so different for each and every person in the way it affects you.

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